People-pleasers are known for doing everything it takes to satisfy and make other people happy. Sometimes at the expense of their own happiness. Of course, being kind and helpful is a good habit, but going too far to please and satisfy others can leave you feeling emotionally stressed, drained and anxious. Stop being a people pleaser.
In this article we will covers the habits of people pleasers, as well as the negative impact it can have on your mental health and on yourself in general. We will also discuss just how to stop being a people pleaser and to stop putting the needs of others before your own. It also discusses tips to help you take care of your own needs as a priority.
People pleasers often says say things like ” I’m just a nice person” or ”I just love to be good to everyone”.
For some of you who may find it hard to identify this in your life, let me break down what is really means to be a people pleaser.
What Is a People-Pleaser?
The term “people pleaser” refers to a person who has a strong urge to please others, even if it’s at their own expense.
People pleasing is simply when you always mold yourself to people’s expectations. Basically you hide your true self because it is not what that person wants to see. You make yourself who others want you to be just to make them happy.
A people pleaser often puts the needs of others before their own. Sometimes, even without realizing it, which can lead to a pattern of self-sacrifice or self-neglect. At times a people pleaser isn’t even appreciated for putting others before themselves, their efforts are often not recognized.
What Is the reason some of us are people pleasers & reasons to stop being a people pleaser?
The main reason for people pleasing is usually because you’re scared of negative reactions from people.
Often it’s because you’re scared of someone not being satisfied and you being the cause of that dissatisfaction. You’re scared of them reacting in a certain way to you not doing what they want like being sad, angry or disappointed. And all this just because you said ”No.”
What we don’t realize more often is that people pleasing is rooted from our childhood. Majority of people pleasing attitudes and behaviors often come from our childhood.
Most especially how people, often our parents reacted to certain situations in our lives as kids. Like how they dealt with us getting lower grades in class than what was expected of us, inability to meet up with certain tasks on time and more. Often that reaction can trigger that thing in you whereby you feel you do not want to be the reason to upset anyone or trigger a certain emotion towards you such as anger, sensitivity, negativity and sadness. So you just do what makes them happy instead.
It is very easy to carry that habit on to our adult life. Some people often don’t realize they have this problem. Let’s talk about the ways you can stop being a people pleaser.
How To Stop Being A People Pleaser
1. Understand That People Are Different
The first tip I’m going to give you is you need to understand that people are different. If you understand that whoever initially triggered that behavior in you isn’t the same person you are dealing with at the moment, that relaxes your anxiety and helps you be your true self.
You need to try to understand the phycology behind how people think. Basically knowing that people have different opinions, choices and priorities. And so do you! You don’t have to do what people are doing or dress the way they do or talk the way they do. Whatever they feel might not be what you feel and that’s totally fine.
Understanding that what could trigger a reaction from one person might not be what would trigger the reaction from another person.
And most importantly it’s okay for people to be sad, angry or dissatisfied especially towards you and your decisions. The most important thing to you should be YOU. Understand that you are a priority! Your emotions, decisions and choices are a priority. So no matter what does people feel, it’s okay for those people to feel how they feel. It’s okay for them to not be happy or disagree with your choices and your opinion. And be okay with that. Just make sure you’re good first before anything else. You come first.
Once you understand how people work, you’ll understand how to deal with people better without bending yourself to please them.
2. Work On Your Confidence
The second tip I have for you is for you to work on your confidence. Sometimes insecurity can be a reason for people to become people pleasers. Confidence is power, same as knowledge.
It doesn’t matter if people are older than you, better looking or richer. No matter who you are, what you feel or where you are at a certain point in your life, be confident it is where you are meant to be and that you are working towards being better.
That way no one is going to make you feel inferior or insecure or make you go out of your way to make them happy before yourself. Because you are equally important and even more important to yourself. You Are Okay, You Are Blessed!
3. Treat Yourself With Respect
Treat yourself with respect. When I say this I simply mean respect you opinions, respect your beliefs. Trust in your words, trust in your choices, be strong with your opinions, that way people will respect it too.
There are people that know what they want but they aren’t confident it, that way you’ll easily get pushed around.
For example when you know you have something to work on but someone else needs you to do something. If you aren’t confident in what it is you need to do to stand by it, it would be very easy for someone to make you put it aside to do what they want. But when you know what you want to do and it is a priority, what they need you to do will automatically fall into second place, that is if it has to be on the list at all.
If you are confident in what you want, what you believe what you stand by and your choices, no one can convince you otherwise. Respect the words that come out of your mouth and the choices that you make, good or bad. Even if it’s the wrong choice and at the end of the day it flops, you’re still good besides life is a journey Afterall and you’ll be glad you made your decision in the end and that you learnt from it.
4. Remove Toxic People From Your Life
If you’re with the wrong crowd of people, people that make you feel like you have to blend or you have to meet up. People that pull you down and make you feel you’re not good enough. People that don’t respect your beliefs or values.
Those are people that you need to cut off from your life. Those that know you aren’t confident so they always try to ride you and gaslight you. Toxic people will ruin your life. You don’t need people who are always trying to make you do things that obviously isn’t good for your life and they are aware. When someone is consciously making you do things you do not want to do, or that are bad for your mental health, they don’t mean well with you.
4. Stop Apologizing
Stop apologizing, and no, I do not mean do not apologize when you’re wrong.
I simply mean stop apologizing all the time for putting your needs first. Especially for small things, you do not need to apologize for saying no. When you simply don’t want something you do not need to apologize for not wanting it.
That apologizing reduces the value in your opinion, it makes it seem like you’re unsure of your answer and then, because they sense you’re unsure they will ask again and again knowing you’ll eventually say yes. Always confidently stand by your choices and your opinions. If you’re confidently standing by your choices and decisions, no one would actually question it.
5. Learn to say NO
I can’t emphasize enough, learn to say no. This is such an important part of this article. The most important even maybe.
Now, I am going to give you an alternative if you know you’re the type of person that finds it hard to say no. You can say no and give a compromise, for example ” I’m sorry I can’t help you with your errand today, how about I do it on Friday ” . That’s if you even want to do it of course. This way you’re putting yourself and your activities first and put other’s need at your convenient time.
Learn to say no, if you’re not up for something or if you do not want to be somewhere at a particular time, don’t let anyone force it on you. If you don’t want to do something simple don’t do it. Don’t let people push you into uncomfortable situations just to please them.
You came into this world alone and you will leave the world alone as well. So the most important thing is to live your life the way you want to and not how others want you to.
I hope you learnt a thing or two from this article.
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